This is an example of what I would class as a good introduction. See the use of critical terms (red), links to the question (x3 in green) and the engagement with the two key names (Freud and James) in relation to the quote. The quote shows higher level independent reading but also shows understanding through not only linking it to James but also the question.
This is the first paragraph from the same essay. See the clear structure: James (yellow), E.G (green), E.G evaluation (purple), E.G evaluation linking back to James and introductory links to Freud (blue). Once again this is what I deem a good paragraph. The student maintains links to the example throughout (St. Teresa), I learn as a reader about her case without excessive description, James is also not forgotten from the first part of the paragraph by the student linking it to the example in an evaluative and analytical way. It does not over complicate the structure, the evaluation is prominent and the links back to the question are noticeable.
This is another introduction example. See how the student really engages with the question – exploring the ideas and interpretations of illusion, using the quote as a spring board for discussion.
This is a paragraph taken from the same essay. See hwo the theme is established (Feuerbach) and how the whole paragraph is centred on that theme. I have separated and numbered the points to make the structure clear. The evaluation is introduced through applying another name (James) and a rhetorical question (1). This then leads to the example (Guru Nanak) which links to the evaluative point (2). This is extended into a further evaluative point (made clear by the use of critical terms: credible, problematic and unlikely) and a link to the question (3). Then a further name is applied as a support of James and Guru Nanak (4) which is then applied back to Feuerbach (5). This is then all rounded up, linking Feuerbach back to the question (6). So whilst this may seem a straightforward paragraph, the structure is sophisticated, evaluative yet simple. It never strays from Feuerbach, the question and has strong A02 throughout (rather than just description of views)
This final example once again shows clear structure. The student established the theme of the paragraph by starting with Freud (blue), outlining and describing his argument. Then an example is introduced (with evidence of key details and wider reading with the facts displayed – even though a bit too long – yellow) Freud’s argument is then applied to the example (purple) then James is used against Freud but always in relation to same example (Nicky Cruz in green).
Please let me know if you would like a copy of these essays by leaving a comment at the bottom or following the ‘contact me’ details on the Homepage.
Revision bubbles/ advice and sample questions with guidance found in:
Hi Aimee,
I would love a copy of these as I am doing this topic immediately after half-term.
Hello, hope you are well.
Please could you send a copy of the essays.
Thank you
I would love a copy of the essays, what you have posted so far has been invaluable to me! thank you 🙂
I too would like a copy of the essay
Could I please have copies of these essays? Finding examples of students work is proving difficult! thanks
Hi Aimee
I am really struggling finding copies of student work too. Please could I have copies of these essays. Thanks.
Please can I have copies of the essays Aimee. You are a life saver!
Hello,
Please could you send a copy of the essays.
Thank you
Hi, could I please have the copies of the exemplar essays,
thank you.
Hi Aimee can i please have a copy of the essay as well.